Wednesday, 12 July 2017

A time called now.

This does feel weird, but it feels right.
Having been away from blogging for what felt a lifetime, I want to reflect on everything blogging is to me in a time called now.
 Fashion, creativity, beauty, music, life, simply expression!

Fashion is my biggest love in life and developing my personal style is something that fills me with so much excitement. With life recently being (to put it brutally) shit, I fell in a crisis of wearing comfortable clothes and not really evolving my style. My confidence has been knocked throughout this process and its all baby steps to get on top of it again. So in a time called now I enjoy subtly experimenting but not making the huge statements I would've once happily done. 
Jeans are still a rarity to see me in! I decided pairing these Primark ones with a vintage mesh tee and my customised patch jacket was a comfortable and complimentary look. This look focused all around the mesh and intricate details, creating something of interest without it being overpowering. 
A happy medium I seem to like trying out!

Creativity is something I used to explore through photography, textiles, art, dance, you name it I loved it. I still do. In this time called now I want to start branching back into the things that brought me the most joy. Looking at the world through a creative lens used to inspire me daily, you just have to think about things differently.

My interest in beauty still lies in the classic Lucy Jane look of short hair,  full fringe and the classic winged liner eye. In this time called now I should push myself to experiment with colour and concepts. I adore watching and learning new make up skills but forget to actually use them on myself! It's so exciting how the beauty game is changing, an endless supply of products for an endless amount of creations.
 It's all about trying new things.

Music was the key to my heart and still always will be. The past few months got me into a music rut, I was switching between every genre of music and indecisive on what I really wanted to listen to. I wasn't giving anything the attention I needed to in order to actually enjoy it. I played old albums, tried to attach myself to new ones but nothing felt fulfilling. 
In this time called now I am making time to discover the music that really gets me. The variety of music we have access to is amazing but when you think about it all, its a rather daunting amount. Sure I can say I enjoy a large range of music but I can't connect to it all. 

Life is a huge bitch but theres no point dwelling on it! 2017 has felt like a huge spiralling rollercoaster constantly going up and down with the end feeling so far away from reach. In this time called now I hope that life will become steadier and things will start to look up.
 I have the most amazing people around me, have the chance to visit amazing places and do amazing things but I have an illness which has made me question everything. I'm here for the long term (hopefully) in life, I have to realise that the few sacrifices I have to make now are going to be so small in the large scheme of things. 
Life has felt like a massive bitch when really it couldn't be changed.

Lucy Jane



Sunday, 9 July 2017

My July Mind

I don't really know where to begin or what to say.
I've sat and thought about what to write for days and everything just feels so lacking. 
How can I write what thoughts are swirling around my mind when the truth is I don't really know for myself?

Let's call this post July Mind, sounds fitting enough...

Sitting here at home, in my cozily beautiful shed, I feel lost. 
I know where I am but I have no idea where I have gone.
These past few months I envisage as a huge blur, like a rogue paint stroke upon a canvas with no intention of being or going, abstract I suppose.
I slowly fell away from myself and the worst part is, I knew I was.

Everything felt like an effort, everything felt unrewarding, everything felt like it would crumble and I coped by ignoring, everything. I ignored the things I used to do, the way I used to be and slowly masked the passionate, adventurous and intellectual Lucy Jane with someone I didn't know.
My excuse was 'I am ill' and truthfully, I am.


My illness is the disease Ulcerative Colitis, I was diagnosed in March and it has severely progressed in recent weeks. For now I want to skip over the technicalities as I want to start posts about my journey soon but I will say this much; it drained me, made normal daily life the biggest struggle and effected me so much more than just having a diseased bowel! 
When you're ill, life feels like a cycle and eventually, the cycle needs to be broken.

This was my cycle...

1. I became de-motivated, unenthusiastic about 99% of things in life. I'd fall into slumps previously but I started to struggle to get out, I couldn't understand why I was so effortless because thats not like me. I was questioning why my lack of energy was declining so rapidly, I wanted to do things but there was 0 drive to push me.

2. I got diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, accepted my illness and started treatment. Throughout these few weeks in April I felt happy, we knew the problem, there was a reason I had become so lacking and I was certain this disease would soon be maintained. 

3. I pretended. I knew my symptoms weren't improving but I felt like they should be. I was conscious  as to everything with my health spiralling downwards but I wanted to carry on as normal. I wanted to go to college, sit my exams and have the summer I'd dreamed of. I was trying different medications, going to constant doctors appointments and feeling awful. My treatment was showing no obvious differences so I had no idea at what stage my disease was at, I kept on going.
Through May and June I braved it and pretended, the world had bigger issues and I thought ignoring mine could me make me better when instead it made me worse. 

4. So this is now, today, this present moment.
I was urgently admitted to hospital last week as my disease had reached a severe stage of Ulcerative Colitis. I stayed in for 4 days on infusion drips of steroids and anti-biotics. My body had been unresponsive to all treatment used since March which is why the disease had spread so violently. My body was 'on fire' as the nurses politely described, a fire that had been building and building since February.
I finally reached the point where I realised 'Oh shit, I am actually ill'.
Laying in a hospital bed there really is no way of pretending that 'you're fine' because the whole world can see that you need help. 

I break the cycle here and say lets make it stop.  

My life has to be put on hold for now, effecting summer plans, University plans and the big, scary future plans. I am ill and I need to get better before I embark on the life healthy Lucy Jane imagined she would have now.  I am trying to accept the process, the disease and everything that is going to come with it because I did too much pretending before. 

I think that my July Mind feels lost because it is at the beginning of a journey I never really planned. I don't feel like myself because I didn't accept myself for being 'ill', my mind couldn't fathom it. 
I need to create, connect and be more than I was because I was feeling nothing, numb.
When you ignore someone for so long, they eventually forget about you and live an independent life yet a spark will always remember what you once had, think if that happened through ignoring yourself. 
My spark feels like its bouncing back and I am shining out through it, I really really hope I am right.

Lucy Jane

Sunday, 28 May 2017

LSB IN NYC - The High Line


I wanted to share some snaps I took whilst ambling down the prettiest park known as The High Line in New York city. Almost 2 months later and it feels like a world away, the city buzz I crave every day seems impossible to find. The High Line elevated you over this city of dreams, allowing you to wander through the buildings and feel at one with city. A cluster of people but it never really felt busy, everything just felt right. I wish I was there right now, in that moment I felt so content, happy and excited with life but instead I am in reality. Slowly I am trying to figure out my approach to everything being thrown at my life, but I'll get there soon. 
Blue skies and skyscrapers, that makes me happy.

Lucy Jane 









Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Perspective: My Health

Infinity of Fashion is a blog about Lucy Jane and I am Lucy Jane, an 18 year old girl determined to tackle the world of fashion. I've always seen my blog as a personal expression of who I am but recently I feel some what 'detached' from it. My style is evolving and I am creating content I enjoy to read but I do not feel it is all of me.

Throughout the past few months my life has been a complete up, down and all around whirlwind! Some of the most amazing experiences have occurred closely followed with some of the worst and frankly, I just want to talk about it. The amazing experiences span from so many birthday celebrations of my own and my friends, getting my own little red car and the most unforgettable trip to New York! April was a month I beamed with so much happiness on the outside, whilst the niggling negativity was slowly playing on the inside. 

*I want to take a moment here to say I am not writing this post for sympathy, I am writing this for two reasons; to try find help and advise and also to raise awareness.*

Throughout my life, my health has been one of the steadiest things to keep track of. If I ever fall ill I'm better within a few days, to put it into perspective the worst I've suffered was the Leeds fest flu! At the beginning of the year I noticed a dip in my health. It was early February and I was becoming so exhausted, lacking motivation to do anything and noticed changes in my bowel movement. I had so many exciting things planned, I ploughed on and tried to forget it. As the month progressed, so did the symptoms and I realised something wasn't quite right. Throughout February and March there were various tests done, trips to consultants and an increasing curiosity as to what was wrong. All the symptoms were becoming stronger and I was getting tired of not knowing.  5 days before going to New York I had a sigmoidoscopy, I was diagnosed with Proctitis, a form of Ulcerative Colitis. 

Ulcerative Colitis is a form of IBD(Inflammatory Bowel Disease) which is a chronic disease meaning I will have it for life as there is currently no instant cure. It is unknown why Ulcerative Colitis develops but it produces inflammation and severe ulcers along the lining of the colon or rectum. Although there will be periods of good health, known as remission, there are also periods of not so good health, known as flare ups. These 'flare-ups' are what have to be controlled and finding how to control it is really trial and error. Having caught my symptoms early, the diagnosis of proctitis meant it hadn't travelled throughout my colon which is a positive of the situation! I only knew of the condition because it ran in my family, otherwise I would have been clueless.

Over the past 4 weeks I've been trying medication, diets and supplements to control my symptoms and reduce flare up, all whilst I was trying to make life on the outside run as smoothly as possible.
Everything on the inside was going wrong, but I tried so hard to keep everything on the outside right.
This is why I titled the post perspective...

I am struggling to put my life into perspective.
In this moment I feel my health is deteriorating and I struggle to accept the importance of that. Health should be more important than anything! My health can improve but it feels like I'm running round in circles trying to find the answers because nothing seems to be working. I know it is a chronic disease so I can't improve over night but nobody understands how frustrating that is. I am someone who puts 100% into everything and having this illness is tarnishing my efforts and pulling me down. I have A level exams in 6 weeks, deadlines to meet and I wake up every morning and struggle to get up, most days I don't. I sleep up to 15 hours a night and after 2-3 hours of activity, feel like I need to nap. 
I can pretend I'm fine on the outside but truthfully, I'm not really that fine.
It is a viscous cycle of exhaustion, frustration, stress and anxiety and I just don't feel like me anymore.

As well as medication, I am currently trying a gluten/dairy free diet and taking aloe vera supplements every day but haven't felt any effects yet. I would love to know if anyone knows ANY possible solutions from the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis. My main symptoms are fatigue, stomach pains and inconsistent bowel movement and I am struggling to act normally with all this ongoing. 
I just want to be back to my old self and am reaching to anyone who has personal experience just to talk to. 

In perspective my health should be put first but I really struggle with thinking that. It is hard to express the extent of how I feel because I don't want the problems in my life to be thrown onto somebody else. I know it's one tiny thing in the whole spectrum of things but right now it feels like a huge weight over me.
I apologise for the lack of posts, I just want to be better and feel like me again.

Lucy Jane


Tuesday, 25 April 2017

Golden Time: Day to Night


With fashion I adapt my outfit to my mood, the term 'dressing up' is universal to me as when isn't a good time to dress up? Recently I had been wondering what I would do if having time to change my outfits was an issue, what if I had to work with what I'd got, think Day to Night!

As an 18 year old student who has balanced college, work and a social life amongst a huge load of other stresses, I understand the pressures of time management. The 'perfect' student life involves a day filled with hard work and studying, accompanied by a night filled with socialising but we all know it is never quite that simple! With the help of contemporary jewellery brand AUrate , I was inspired to create transitional looks that work from day to night for me. Keeping the same staple top and jeans, I challenged myself to make two differing looks perfect for separate occasions...

DAY 
Layering this lace Forever 21 top with my vintage golden cami was the perfect simple solution to pair with these Primark jeans. A trend associated with Autumn/Winter, the cooler temperatures in the UK are making layering a must; it adds that extra detail to an otherwise boring look!
Talking of layering, I opted for a few staple jewellery pieces with this Black Stoned Choker along with the finely detailed Black Stone Ring and Closed Flower Ring
Taking simple jewellery pieces such as those found on AUrate.com adds so much to an outfit. With no overpowering tones or colours in the jewellery, the golden touch compliments the look perfectly, it's Golden Time!

NIGHT
Being someone who strays away from classic 'night out' clothing, I thought this outfit would be the perfect spring night look for an outing with friends! Using the same top and jeans as the previous look, I added this M&S floral shirt,  New Look oriental bag and Primark golden boots. 
The bold tones really brightened the look, bringing out the staple colour of Gold!
  Night looks often give you a chance to experiment with styles, it is the time to have fun! I decided to layer these two golden necklaces, the Golden Bar and Golden V both found on AUrate.com

Day to Night looks are becoming increasingly popular with everyone busy schedule, the key to success is jewellery! Adapt the pieces to your style and work with what you've got, whether its keeping it minimal or laying pieces AUrate are full of beautiful items to transition those Day to Night! 


Lucy Jane




Saturday, 22 April 2017

LSB IN NYC - Stop and stare, It's Times Square!


Think of all the breath-taking moments you've had and roll them into one, mixing together all that wonder and awe into a split second. You are truly amazed.
This is what Times Square (and pretty much the whole of NYC) did to me. 

'Been dreaming of those bright lights, in the city...' a lyric sang by my favourite band that could never have felt more fitting than in that moment. We wandered down 48th street till we saw the neon signs growing brighter and bigger and eventually, hit Times Square! My first thoughts were 'woah', everything was so big, bold and busy. So many people rushing down the street; made up half of excitable tourists and the other half of New Yorkers, uninterested by their daily commute. It seemed so surreal to be in Times Square, the place I'd seen countless times on TV and I was actually there!
Surprisingly, I did anticipate more lights then there was but may be that's because my first experience was in day light, it comes alive at night...

Stepping out after eating at around 9:00pm, me, my mum and my dad were all amazed at the difference. Suddenly it felt like this was a city that didn't sleep, it didn't even feel dark the lights were so bright! It was hard to fathom it all as there was so much to see. We casually wandered round as we passed a man dressed as a Marijuana leaf, countless broadway shows and so many independent artists trying to sell us their music. 
There was such a buzz that is hard to explain, everyone was there but nobody really cared what anyone was doing. 
It wasn't an ignorance, people were just too cool to care!

So my second night in New York left me wanting to see more, so far I'd fallen in love with absolutely everything and knew I never wanted to leave.

Lucy Jane



Thursday, 13 April 2017

LSB IN NYC: Central Park and Antique Art

On Saturday 1st April 2017, I travelled to the city that I have dreamt about visiting for so long. Craving to ride the subway, hail a cab and see the infamous skyline that leaves you breathless at first sight, I went to New York City.

Central Park and antique art was what my first full day in NYC consisted of. Our plan was to wander round Central Park throughout the morning, head on to the MET museum and wander back to ready ourselves for the night. We took a right down Fifth Avenue, the street I can only describe as Oxford Street on steroids. The further down we went, the more designer shops appeared. Gucci, Prada, Chanel, YSL, the dream. It was my first day in NYC, how was I already being tempted by the pieces I could never afford? Their window displays were precise works of art and I was blown away. There is something comforting about being in awe of absolutely everything, I was in this dreamworld that I want as reality. 

After a while the shops dispersed and before us appeared large boulders, green lawns and blossoming trees. 
Welcome to Central Park! 
The iconic photo opportunities passed with obvious instagrams being snapped, the further you ventured the more interesting it got. Luckily the sun was beating down that morning meaning we ambled along feeling relaxed as ever! When we reached the lake we decided to hop in the Boathouse Restaurant for Sunday Brunch which I highly recommend. Our first day had to be filled with waffles, pancakes and my favourite; french toast. With our view of The Lake, we watched as families and friends rowed around this pool of tranquility. A moment of peace in the city that never sleeps. When our food arrived I honestly felt like a dream had come true, nothing beats french toast and this was 100% the best french toast I have EVER eaten! Our brunch was as american as can be and we left feeling very full and very happy.

Our next stop was The MET museum which is famously known for hosting the ever so elegant event that is the MET Gala along with its huge collection of historic art. It felt so surreal standing in the same place that so many of my fashion icons have once stood. The never ending staircase that turns fantasy into reality on the first Monday in May, one day I hope to experience that. 

We headed back through the western side of central park seeing the Great Lawn, Belvedere Castle and stumbling upon Strawberry Fields. It felt so peaceful sitting on a bench around the 'IMAGINE' monument, a man sat strumming The Beatles whilst people gathered round appreciating the exact same moment. 
People walked by, people stopped but everyone seemed so so happy.

My first experience of New York was wonderful and magical to say the least. It all seemed so out of place, you were in nature unnaturally but it felt right. 

Central Park and antique art is a day I will remember for a lifetime, if I could bottle up the joy, the happiness and the contentment I felt that day I would keep it and save it for my down days. I push myself back into that moment seeing the street performers singing or the street artists painting and remember everything can feel okay because that day, life felt perfect...

Lucy Jane