Wednesday, 3 May 2017

Perspective: My Health

Infinity of Fashion is a blog about Lucy Jane and I am Lucy Jane, an 18 year old girl determined to tackle the world of fashion. I've always seen my blog as a personal expression of who I am but recently I feel some what 'detached' from it. My style is evolving and I am creating content I enjoy to read but I do not feel it is all of me.

Throughout the past few months my life has been a complete up, down and all around whirlwind! Some of the most amazing experiences have occurred closely followed with some of the worst and frankly, I just want to talk about it. The amazing experiences span from so many birthday celebrations of my own and my friends, getting my own little red car and the most unforgettable trip to New York! April was a month I beamed with so much happiness on the outside, whilst the niggling negativity was slowly playing on the inside. 

*I want to take a moment here to say I am not writing this post for sympathy, I am writing this for two reasons; to try find help and advise and also to raise awareness.*

Throughout my life, my health has been one of the steadiest things to keep track of. If I ever fall ill I'm better within a few days, to put it into perspective the worst I've suffered was the Leeds fest flu! At the beginning of the year I noticed a dip in my health. It was early February and I was becoming so exhausted, lacking motivation to do anything and noticed changes in my bowel movement. I had so many exciting things planned, I ploughed on and tried to forget it. As the month progressed, so did the symptoms and I realised something wasn't quite right. Throughout February and March there were various tests done, trips to consultants and an increasing curiosity as to what was wrong. All the symptoms were becoming stronger and I was getting tired of not knowing.  5 days before going to New York I had a sigmoidoscopy, I was diagnosed with Proctitis, a form of Ulcerative Colitis. 

Ulcerative Colitis is a form of IBD(Inflammatory Bowel Disease) which is a chronic disease meaning I will have it for life as there is currently no instant cure. It is unknown why Ulcerative Colitis develops but it produces inflammation and severe ulcers along the lining of the colon or rectum. Although there will be periods of good health, known as remission, there are also periods of not so good health, known as flare ups. These 'flare-ups' are what have to be controlled and finding how to control it is really trial and error. Having caught my symptoms early, the diagnosis of proctitis meant it hadn't travelled throughout my colon which is a positive of the situation! I only knew of the condition because it ran in my family, otherwise I would have been clueless.

Over the past 4 weeks I've been trying medication, diets and supplements to control my symptoms and reduce flare up, all whilst I was trying to make life on the outside run as smoothly as possible.
Everything on the inside was going wrong, but I tried so hard to keep everything on the outside right.
This is why I titled the post perspective...

I am struggling to put my life into perspective.
In this moment I feel my health is deteriorating and I struggle to accept the importance of that. Health should be more important than anything! My health can improve but it feels like I'm running round in circles trying to find the answers because nothing seems to be working. I know it is a chronic disease so I can't improve over night but nobody understands how frustrating that is. I am someone who puts 100% into everything and having this illness is tarnishing my efforts and pulling me down. I have A level exams in 6 weeks, deadlines to meet and I wake up every morning and struggle to get up, most days I don't. I sleep up to 15 hours a night and after 2-3 hours of activity, feel like I need to nap. 
I can pretend I'm fine on the outside but truthfully, I'm not really that fine.
It is a viscous cycle of exhaustion, frustration, stress and anxiety and I just don't feel like me anymore.

As well as medication, I am currently trying a gluten/dairy free diet and taking aloe vera supplements every day but haven't felt any effects yet. I would love to know if anyone knows ANY possible solutions from the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis. My main symptoms are fatigue, stomach pains and inconsistent bowel movement and I am struggling to act normally with all this ongoing. 
I just want to be back to my old self and am reaching to anyone who has personal experience just to talk to. 

In perspective my health should be put first but I really struggle with thinking that. It is hard to express the extent of how I feel because I don't want the problems in my life to be thrown onto somebody else. I know it's one tiny thing in the whole spectrum of things but right now it feels like a huge weight over me.
I apologise for the lack of posts, I just want to be better and feel like me again.

Lucy Jane


2 comments:

  1. That sounds like such a struggle to be going through, and I admire you for staying positive! <3 I hope you are able to find something that makes it easier for you, and my prayers/thoughts are with you!
    -Jenna <3
    Follow me back? The Chic Cupcake

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    1. Thank you so much for such kind words, means a lot x

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